Daughter of the Bribe

A sunglass brand left me a voicemail last night and asked
me to attend a press launch event at 7:00 am. Not wanting
their first impression of me to be all Demi Lovato pre-rehab, I declined instantly. I don't get out of bed until at least...7:45
on a Friday. 'If you decide to attend, we will be sending a
driver to pick you up.' I hopped out of bed. Oh,
what time did you say?

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Sick On Style

Friday is everyone's celebratory weekday. Wait till Friday. Plans Friday? Too glad its Friday! I would love to throw on an exceedingly body-conscious dress and head out with my gals and boy(s) preparing to vomit from expensive alcohol consumption but as a self proclaimed fashion enthusiast I cannot. And for what reason? I'm staying in to figure out my aesthetic. Confused dot com? Well, so am I. You know your love for clothing has become severe when you turn down a huge launch event invitation (and opportunity to be toe to Chanel boot with Rachel Zoe) to stay inside, laying upside down on your bed, trying to figure out if you're more rocker chic or polished boho. Life is so, so difficult. // Sketch by Jessica Olah

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Dial L for Loser

There I was, sidelining the A/W Zadig & Voltaire show with a plethora of bloggers to my right and one of the Olsens to my left, whispering about the luxurious embellished loungewear (sweatpants are a sign of giving up, ladies) and jealously mocking Soo Joo Park's thigh gap. Just as Cecilia Bönström made her way down the end of the catwalk, someone behind me joked about the latest IT bag. I smiled to myself. The bag was already put on hold for me at Barney's and in a few hours it would be mine. But then the unthinkable occurred. Worse than any scuffed vintage Prada flat or spilled Skinny Vanilla Latte. I awaited the Jil Sander Pouch name drop but instead I was thrown a, 'Bottega Veneta' OMG. I slithered to the floor in all my last season slime. I drooled on my blazer. I passed out in a heap of misinformation. As the paramedics carried me out, I heard snickers. 'She used to be so on trend,' they mumbled, 'until we saw her put last seasons JS on hold' I was put on a Harpers Bazaar IV and observed for the next twenty four hours in case of another fashion suicide attempt. 

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(P)ursuing (R)adically

They call us PR Girls. I had no idea it was a thing until it was a thing. Everyone in the industry deems public relation interns and coordinators as 'media goddesses'  You know, the stilettoed model-thin babe drenched in all black, banging into you on the crowded street because she's too busy casually name dropping on twitter. Hashtag PFW. Each season requires some serious researching, but with us we make it a bit easier for you. Like online classes and Google. It's not all martini sips at masquerade fashion bashes or stepping into traffic to graciously hail a yellow cab, though. Publicity is free so that means we have to become bee eff effs with the press. Obsess and chicly stalk the editors, writers and journalists so that they will feature the product, cyber promote like no tomorrow and manage guest lists that you may or may not be on (not) Someone has to do the ass kissing. And although those asses may be covered in triple-layered wool scattered with waterproof nylon, they are still asses.

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You Oughta Know : MFW

image by Sabine Pieper

As your fashion intern / internet best friend I have a moral obligation to give you my much missed thoughts on Milan Fashion Week. I will explain slowly as well as give fair justification to why I have been MIA (missing in Armani) Instead of being wrapped in a satin gown, i've been entangled in satin sheets. Although blissful, my mind and heart has been otherwise occupied by a certain bright eyed hunk. Anyway, Emilio Pucci : sex appeal exists even in oversized ponchos. Navajo has never looked so chic paired with earth tones, leather and fringe. Imagine Velvet Suits via Liberace. Perf, right? Ferragamo stole my heart in ninth grade when a gorgeous pair of black bow flats were gifted to me for my fourteenth birthday. Its a pivotal age, really. Brushed plaid, various leather trimmed capes, sophisticated pleats dripping in rich color. Add some riding boots and i'm trembling in elegance. Alas, Marco de Vincenzo. Black knits shimmered with bits of color AND Swarovski crystals lined simple tunics, adding a particularly intergalactic aspect to otherwise simple pieces. I advise you to get used to patterns and to possibly find a second job. Hope you're feeling fulfilled.

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Don't Mess With The Mule

image by  Leigh Viner

Ariana made a surprise visit to the city. She 
claimed sweet words like 'miss', 'best friend' and
 even the dreaded, 'need'. I invited her to sip bitter coffee as i'm not eating this month due to the desire to fit appropriately into a lace sample size Stella dress without bits and bobs peeking out. Once at the cafe table, Ariana tucked platinum blonde waves behind pointed elf ears and batted her lashes across to me. We caught up on one another's lives ; Lanvin Boy, work, internships, Caras coming out and other important worldly news. It seemed as though her anger had subsided, until I crossed my left leg over my right, revealing the latest white calfskin spiked heel mules picked up earlier that day. Icy eyes widened but instead of sinking into my seat, I  scowled right back and uttered two words that 
would ultimately change our ex-bee-eff-eff ship 
for good. "They're Fendi."


keep up @herpaintedpout
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In with the old, in with the new

I know, I know. The A/W 14 runways are throwing you for a loop. There are new designers budding in the industry soil, uprooting the locals and replacing them with brand collections you didn't even notice being planted beside the iconic red roses (Valentino, Chanel, Vuitton, obvi) And in your very own garden, imagine that! I don't like to play favorites but lets face it, everyone had a new favorite this season. Marissa Webb left J.Crew and launched her own line; integrating her cool inner tomboy with playful elegance. Think tuxedo jackets and flared hem dresses. Brooklyn native Rosie Assoulin ditched fashion school to dive into design, debuting her Resort 2014 collection. The namesake line caused major buzz with its adept volume play and clean lines. (I'm available for an assistant position, Rosie) Former cool boy and DJ, Massimo Giorgetti, refreshed the runway with bold, exciting prints and trendy ensembles. He channels his creative hobbies into Chung worthy pieces. So many new names, so little time to decide which show to attend. Feeling a bit at ease? Well, don't. The fashion world is forever blooming.

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Dust Yourself Off

Image by Laura Laine 

At the Peter Pilotto for Target launch party, the usual assemblage of high profile industry favorites were there carefully sipping cocktails and avoiding the petit fours like last years trends. Teetering in my brand new Pour la Victoire Carrigan belted booties, I made my way over to my editor, who then clasped onto my hand as if her fingers suddenly became a brass cuff. I then stumbled over said new bootie(has a gorgeous pointed toe, btw) spilling red wine down the sleeve of my dress which led to a panic that resulted in the deterioration of my dignity. I lay on the floor, covered in expensive alcohol, face to face with a dazzling pair of lambskin leather Hermes thigh highs. EIC scrambled to scoop me up into her frail arms. She leaned close to my ear, 'keep it together.' Instead of hiding in the nearest bathroom stall, face between legs, dry heaving, I hid the stains on my dress with my arms and clutch and allowed photos to be taken. I took her advice as, hey, i'm at an exclusive fashion event taking group photos between Alexa Chung and Taylor Schilling. I could have been back at home, eating Jolly Ranchers in bed between my cat Chloe and my dog Coconut. I think I could recover from just about anything. 

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Who, what, where?

image by Aga Baranska

Was completely bitched slapped by a perfectly season-appropriate-603 Charivari-polished hand. Not literally but I might as well been. Everyone in the office gathered around the newest shipment of leather goods to discuss the showroom presentation happening later that evening. Naturally intrigued, I pretended to shuffle through RTW fabrics enclosed in plastic folders. After asking what time I should be there, the assistant manager shot me a cold glare over her full frame Bottega glasses. 'Interns aren't invited.' The words pierced me like a knife. Knocked me back down to earth and out of my Devil Wears Prada haze. I was just an intern. Simply a coffee-runner with amplified social media skills. When they had all gone, the EIC herself grabbed my arm and took me out to get some cheap wine. Clearly buzzed off Blanc and freshly in love with some independent movie buff, I knew it was time to prod. Whenever said editor is asked about what she's wearing, the conventional answer is 'something-something couture-or gifted' After her fifth glass, I leaned closer. 'So, where is that amazing tweed jacket from?' I waited for Vionnet. I waited for Jay Ahr. I waited for Krakoff. I was aghast when she shrugged, 'It's from Topshop.' OH!

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Getting It Straight

sketch by Ancoula

I had sworn off guys and stuck with it for a whole hour when this hot little number breezed past me at a company party yesterday evening. (I say breezed by but I actually pounced like a leopard) I could see it now. 'Well dressed male spotted at fashion party wearing questionably straight Lanvin cap toe sneakers.' I was surprised he had made it past the union of  older gentlemen hoping to reenact The Dickson Experimental Sound Film as inspiration for next seasons collections. Seemingly unruffled by the amount of ruffles in the room, Lanvin Boy asked me for my number. About a week later, we met outside Per Se ; me dressed in a casually sexy BLK DNM leather top and him just sexy in general. We sat close to the windows overlooking Central Park, sipped the best wine we could afford on our intern budgets, whispered about Kim Kardashian, mutually hated trends and how the explicit hip hop music blaring on the speakers didn't fit the French design of the dining area. Yelling over the lack of filtered profanity, we agreed to go out again. // follow Lavinia on twitter @herpaintedpout

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Midi Life Crisis

Mini skirts are out and below the knee is in. (Dare dig up a jean mini and you will never sit with us) Pencil skirts are in every fashion forward gals wardrobe. A must have. A staple. A basic. Si nécessaire. Lately, the classic pencil has been getting a retro silhouette makeover. Think less Laguna Beach and more How to Marry A Millionaire. Trade in bare skin for sexy modesty. Strut your stuff like Marilyn, slide on your patent-leather Sergio Rossi sandals, be careful not to snag the jacquard and go right up to that cute guy at the bar because you're an independent woman that stays divulged in the latest trends and you deserve a Melon Ball. 

image by : Carrie Lyman 

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Dangerously Chic

drawn by Heather Fonseca

Apparently, dressing fashionably at the airport is a First Offense. There I was, rushing through the security at JFK, jamming to the Yeah Yeah Yeah's, when someone hooked their finger on the belt loop of my Rag & Bone slim fit skinnies, yanking me backward and hollering, 'Stand back!' Oddly enough, Karen O sang, 'WAIT! They don't love you like I love you!' in my ear while I watched in horror as my Saffiano Cuir brushed against the dirty public floor. Next thing I know, i'm crouching to grasp my baby as two security guards grasp either of my toothpick arms. 'Excuse me but please step over here. We detected a strange object in your luggage.' After nearly a half hour of Mac dumping,  Hanky Panky panty ravaging and silk blouse abuse,  they came to the conclusion that the supposed contraband was indeed, the heel of my Fendi studded booties. I didn't picture my first meeting with The Joan Rangers to involve a game of Guess me From Pat Down. 

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Dear (Versace, Versace)

I'm writing in reference to a brushed metal sheath 
dress with slinky chain straps, a Double-V neckline 
and pyramid studs adulatory to a quilted metallic 
chain shoulder bag; my second favorite bag after
the lambskin satchel (in fuchsia, naturally).  I 
have deemed your latest pieces Très nécessaire to 
my life, my closet and my self-confidence. The 
adrenaline i'm experiencing while browsing is impressive. The Medusa Printed Tulip-Hem Dress 
is so 1960's I literally die a million chic deaths. I can't 
even begin with the Mesh flounce dress ; spin me
'round and call me Bez. The Raffia one button 
jacket fits perfectly between WORK and DINNER PARTY. And finally,  the powder pink core 
of Pre Fall counterbalances with the masculine tweed just right. I wonder, Ms V, did you have me in mind while you created? Let me know next time
and I'll be your fit model. Can't wait to curate 
some ideas with you. Patiently, Lavinia. 

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Like A Virgin

Im approaching my trip in the same way I approached Anatomy -- by conducting an investigation in the glow of a Macbook screen while simultaneously dissecting the Skeletal System (my closet) A lot of my study is based on movies and the amount of information that needs to be gathered before meeting my own Miranda Priestly was well worth skipping a Friday night out. Some might call this being over eager but I prefer to call it "saving my ass before it needs saving" Picture me looking ever so superior in a Helmut Villous Jersey Jacket. Calm and chic and collected and not at all nauseous.  Or possibly a pair of black Vince Anya Asymmetrical Pumps with a shift dress. Stylized, prepared, intern-appropriate or too high street? Not couture? I throw my hands into the air. Where is Kelly Cutrone when you cannot help but reveal your fashion industry callowness?


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Trend Trials

Trying to evaluate which trends you'll 'do'  this season? The choices are : Flowerchild -- basically, the hippie woman is trading in her feather crown for modern fringe. You'll require jet-bead fringed bustiers from Rodarte, a shift dress in NYFW's favorite hue--white, and the ability to pull off the boho without the hobo. Next: pastels -- think Lana Turner circa The Postman Always Rings Twice becoming friends with a modernized Barbara Stanwyck. J.Mendel played with pale yellows while Oscar De La Renta opted for bright aqua. You'll require a dinner party hosted in the Upper East Side and an affinity for matching. Can it get better? Crisp cotton - take your office staple into the nightlife. Note : keep this look relaxed with some undone buttons. Corporate ensembles at 1 OAK are hardly chic. Can I wear cotton candy in the office? Will I be sent home for unlawful fringe? Maybe my birthday suit will suffice until I get my hands on some Altuzarra. Glad thats been sorted.

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Best Friends For Never : The First Column

The moment those four simple (but hardly insignificant) words slipped from my 169 Jalousie painted lips I knew something had changed. Ariana’s wide ice blue eyes were suddenly squeezed down into narrow slits. Our bee-eff-eff-ship had always been turbulent but that squint said to prepare for a crash landing. She clicked her tongue as I dug around in my new patent leather Marni tote (properly named Sophie) for my wallet. Instead of battling the silence by myself, I studied the darling bags silver hardware and expertly crafted canvas lining. We had always participated as a ‘we’. We didn’t apply for major fashion internships without the second sisters approval or awareness. We didn’t take the offer before the question was finished. WE especially didn’t already have six Stella twill leather travel trolleys waiting in the lobby. The competition between the well dressed coalition remained stagnant but I quickly realized that this was because I was too afraid of losing Ari to go whole-heartedly for any opportunities. But this designer was much more important than any sixth grade pact made over Lollipop rings and Lisa Frank rainbow kitten folders. This was a push closer to being an insider. Ariana collected her belongings and click clicked around the corner, out of sight but not out of mind. Just like Springs obnoxious neon trend, our friendship was beyond d o n e.

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